I’ve been thinking a lot over the last few weeks about why I started writing. If you’ve been a part of my group for a while, you’ll know I didn’t have a dream to be an author from an early age or even thought about it before a few years ago. Ha I guess the joke is on me because now I can’t get enough of it!
I started writing by accident. I was looking for a specific story that I wanted to read, a stalker romance about two best friends, and couldn’t find it anywhere. I immediately went to a friend and asked for recommendations and she showed me a part of a story she had written, yes just a part, and I fell in love! I demanded she write it immediately so I could read it, but she was hesitant. I don’t know why to be honest, there could be a million reasons one of which could be because I was all in her face demanding she get started forgetting the fact she has three small children at home to take care of. She told me no (well maybe not as nicely as that because lets face it my ass is annoying when I want something) for a while, but then I had an idea. I did what any friend would do, I suggested we write it together! She agreed and the rest is history!
That friend was Andi Jaxon (as if you guys didn’t already know this lol) and the book was Craze. Although we are no longer writing together, we are both still writing in our own genres. She is doing AMAZING (if you haven’t read any of her books DO IT Immediately) while I’m riding the struggle bus HARD. Now don’t get me wrong, she deserves everything and more and I couldn’t be happier for her, but the imposter syndrome is hitting me hard and has been for months.
Authors that are reading this know exactly what I’m talking about! That little voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me I’m not really an author because I haven’t made enough money to earn a living. That I’m not really an author because I haven’t lived and breathed words for my entire life. That because I don’t wake up every morning with a burning desire to write words, I’m a fake. What a load of bullshit, right?
I’ve written and published 40 plus books – with others and alone. I have three pen names in the romance genre. Are they all successful? No, but I did that, me, all alone with no help from anyone but google and the help of a few authors.
So what does that mean for me? Well I’m standing still at a fork in the road. I need to make some tough decisions in my personal and writing life that I honestly don’t want to make but I KNOW I have to in order to move forward. Things are scary as fuck right now and I’m literally walking across the tightrope with no safety net, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that once I get to the other side I’ll have gone through what now is the hardest portion of my life that will help me be better prepared for the next road block in my path. Let’s be honest, there is always another one coming.
What was all the purpose of this post, I don’t k now but I needed to get it out there. I wanted to let someone else know that although it may look like I have my shit together and everything is roses and sunshine, I’m probably sitting in the seat next to you on the struggle bus.
So the next time that little voice in the back of your head tries to bring you down, tell it to FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF! Your journey may look different than someone else’s but thats what makes the journey yours! Own it. Embrace it. And make any and all changes that need.
Easier said than done, trust me I know! I have to make a conscience effort every morning to do this. Some days I fail and some days, like today, I wake up read to kick the days ass. And that is OKAY! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you WILL reach the other side.
OMG! I rambled on and on again in a post! Would you believe that I only came on here to write a short update since a lot of you have been sending me emails and messages?
Anyway thanks for all of the words of encouragement you have been leaving on my post, in my PMs, and emails. I love you all from the bottom of heart and legit those messages have made it easier to continue to put one foot in front of the other.